Getting Clear about “Difficult People” – Don’t Make it Personal
There is a LinkedIn post about “Difficult People”, which was really about difficult relationships – and how to deal with them ever so gently. Yipes! My clients had very specific examples of what they mean by “difficult people”, and weren’t interested in being gentle! The gentle example suggested saying, ‘I don’t like your approach’, ‘Your style doesn’t fit here’, or ‘I’m aware that we seem a bit stuck. What are you noticing?’. Soft stuff.
My notes from clients say that difficult people are the people who:
- Must be continually reminded or “micromanaged” to get their work properly or on time;
- Are argumentative, unfriendly, or otherwise disagreeable, causing trouble at work;
- Resist using new methods and procedures in their work;
- Gossip and make others look bad, or blame others for their problems, and being unpleasant to work with;
- Are chronic complainers, taking up the time, attention, and energy of others;
- Do only the minimum work necessary, or don’t do their assigned work, making it hard for others to get their work done; or
- Expect someone else to motivate them or tell them what to do, which slows things down and makes it harder to get work done.
So there’s no need to be touchy-feely about it. Maybe what’s needed is a conversation about results – meeting deadlines, behaving respectfully, and producing quality work
I heard one manager tell a meeting of his entire staff, “Some of us, perhaps without knowing it, are not operating as part of a team. Sometimes we aren’t always producing what others need from us, or we’re waiting to be told what to do, or being unpleasant to others. I think we can create a better atmosphere here.”
He went on to lead a discussion on the following 3 topics:
- How can we be more supportive of each other?
- How can we do our work well, while also being aware of how our work fits in with what others need to reach our goals?
- What does it mean to be cordial and positive at work?
He wrote people’s answers on a big whiteboard, then asked, “What will make these ideas work?”, writing down their solution ideas. He closed the session by asking them, “Are you – each one of you – willing to make an agreement with me that you will put at least one of these ideas into practice, starting today?”
As his staff members studied the list, hands started going up. Within 2-3 minutes, every hand in the room was in the air. He told them this would be included in their monthly review meetings, to see if their workplace “atmosphere” was improving or needed more work. He transcribed his lists of their best answers to his topic discussion questions and implementation ideas , and posted them – framed – in the rest rooms. They followed up at meetings, but soon didn’t need to do that anymore. The “atmosphere” improved without worrying about anyone’s approach, style, or values. Whew!
